Wolf Boy, Chapter 6, Part I

“I’m sorry for losing my temper,” Lider said.

He’d already sent Francesca a letter of apology written by Rhys.

“Seems to me, Will deserved your anger. Francesca knew it wasn’t directed at her.”

“I should know better,” Lider said. “Anger doesn’t achieve results, not over something as witless as Will conferring with beings he knows don’t take reality seriously.”

He watched Rhys stroll about their apartment sorting clothes and dumping out food containers—they would eventually go to the incinerators. Lider “sat” on the apartment’s couch.

A Cubus as far gone towards corporeality as Lider was restrained by human-created material objects. That didn’t mean he could tell anyone if the chair was hard or soft, the wall smooth or cold or unsteady, not by feel anyway.

Lider said, “You shut down Will before he could mock my transitional state.”

“Wait until he goes through it.”

“He’ll wink wink and nudge nudge the whole time.”

“Is that what you thought you would do?”

“I knew it would be difficult—I’d been told it would be difficult—but, yeah.”

Rhys gave him an understanding I’m with you mate grimace. Except Rhys was handling his six months of full celibacy better than Lider.

Experience counted. Lider had always believed that. If he hadn’t believed it before, he would believe it now. Rhys had nearly forty years—twenty-five of those years with coursing hormones—to learn to control his lustful impulses. Lider had none. Ten years of being Rhys’s closest companion, of having Rhys physically in reach during dreams followed by nothing was playing havoc with Lider’s ghostly nerves.

Not nothing, Lider reminded himself. He had Rhys’s voice and presence and perceptive comments. He had the constant reminders—that sometimes stung and sometimes calmed—that Rhys wanted to touch him.

“It will get worse,” Stan told Lider.

Stan was the station’s Monitor, a corporeal Cubus who supervised station Cubi, the corporeal ones and the semi-corporeal one, Lider. A large number of Cubi had arrived on the station for the symposium. They were supposedly all gone now except the official, registered ones.

Stan could no longer see or hear invisible Cubi, but he was the Monitor anyway because everyone trusted Stan. In truth, even if Stan could see and hear invisible Cubi, he wouldn’t be able to stop them from visiting the planet. Cubi could go deep within a human. Cubi Masters could flit from human to human without getting attached. There were far more Cubi about than anyone would ever admit.

Stan’s “reports” were mostly used to calm fears. Nobody wanted to descend the “how many Cubi are there really?” rabbit hole.

Stan could see and speak to Lider now like everyone else. And his raw honesty helped. Stan was married to Phoebe Culstee, his tagged human, the director of the station’s infirmary. She had recently requested a replacement due to health problems, and Stan was pained. Cubi generally lived longer than their humans—barring accidents—and Stan was seeing the love of his life start down a path of narrowing capabilities.

Sometimes Lider avoided Stan: the reality of Stan’s situation too stark a reminder of loss. He was nevertheless grateful for Stan’s understanding.

“As you get closer to corporeality, those hormones—the ones you’ve accrued to your form—will start to make themselves felt. Right now, you’re feeling the loss of habits. In time, you’ll start to crave your lover.”

I already do. “Rhys is managing,” Lider said glumly.

Stan snorted. “Your quasi-celibate priest. He’s had practice.”

Moon Bishop

Like a number of priests, Rhys was celibate with exceptions. He could have a Cubus, for instance. When Lider become fully corporeal, Rhys’s status would change to married. The paperwork was already filed. There would be no gap between Lider’s full corporeality and consummation.

Rhys would never rise to a full bishopric. But he was content with his current position, and he wanted Lider with him. Lider knew that. He wasn’t doubting his relationship with Rhys. He was grappling with patience and forbearance and a whole quiversful of virtues that Lider usually extolled.

Except these days, I have to live the virtues.